That moment I decided to piss people off…

Lanie Goodell

I read the article about Micheal Weatherly this morning after my best friend mentioned it. Let me preface this rant with, I am a survivor. I was molested at a very young age. I have been sexually harassed for most of my teens and my adult years. One boss called me Sugarfoot. I was the only female on the security team. I handled it. One of the store managers at the same job called me Officer Hot Body. I laughed and told him he was a jerk. I’ve been groped, I’ve been kissed by people I had no interest in and really thought I hadn’t led on, I was set up to be raped and thankfully couldn’t show up that night. I get it. It’s a really tough world in which to be a woman.

However, the bullshit about Mr. Weatherly annoys me. It belittles the true agony that we, as women, experience. Yes, he was a dolt. He made a couple of jokes in very poor taste. IN FRONT OF PEOPLE. Ms. Dusku had the ability to tell him that she found his jokes lacking in couth. And you know what he did. HE APOLOGIZED. Immediately. In his public statement he says he was mortified.

This story should not be the one causing buzz. In my opinion, it shouldn’t even be a story. They were two adults. Adult man said something stupid. Adult woman told him he was being stupid. Adult man realized he was being stupid, apologized, and respected her through changing his actions. The only story here is that he did it right. He showed her the respect that is afforded to her through her circumstances as a human being. YAY! A positive example!

But that’s not how it’s being portrayed and that pissed me off. It pisses me off because there are millions, yes, millions of times each day that women throughout the world are forced into situations where they can’t speak up for themselves. They are raped, they are assaulted, they are groped, they are fondled, they are made to feel worthless through the actions of others. THOSE are the situations that need prevention.

As a society, we seem to be able to survive as strictly puritanical or strictly hedonistic. Speaking as a survivor, as a woman, as the mother of a teenage boy, I hate the puritanical bent we’ve now shrouded society in. I don’t want to live in a society where my male friends are afraid to tell a dirty joke around me. Chances are, my mind is a lot dirtier than theirs are.

So there it is. I expect I’ll get a lot of backlash from this post, but I’m mad. I’m mad that the men in my life walk on eggshells every day to avoid accusations that can literally end their careers. I’m mad that my teenager has become afraid of meeting new people because our society is so touchy over everything. Make one wrong move, and it’s splashed across the media.

I am in no way saying that harassment is ok. But I think we’ve taken the idea of harassment too far. What ever happened to sitting down, as adults, and speaking about our boundaries? It will not work for true harassment. But the Weatherly story? That goes too far.

Published by Lanie Goodell

15 thoughts on “That moment I decided to piss people off…”

  3. I agree that we take harassment too far. I’m still pissed off about Al Franken. This whole story has taken on a life of its own, though. Like you said, it was handled maturely, why are people still being vicious on both sides? I don’t like victim shaming and am appalled at some of the things said about Ms. Dushku. I’m also appalled that people are making Mr. Weatherly out to be a sexual predator when, from what I hear, he’s just a big frat boy with a raunchy sense of humor. I mostly blame the media that keeps harping on the salacious part of the story, ignoring the adult way it was handled, as you say, and the fans on either side pointing fingers. You should be allowed to show your sense of humor, raunchy or boring or whatever, and if someone objects, you stop around them. I don’t know, is that oversimplification? Anyway, I wish Al Franken had run this past midterm. We need him and they ran him out on a rail without the investigation he wanted. Oh wow, I’m sorry, got carried away with that.

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  6. I agree whole heartily that, as a society of humans, we are going crazy with all of this. A man(or a woman) can not tell a joke(be it off color). By the way, a women can be called on the rug also if they admire a mans “butt”, or the way a man is dressed nicely(Hey XXX, I like that shirt and slacks, looks good on you.
    You know ladies, be careful. You may be “biting off more than you can chew” in regards to “METOOMOVEMENT”
    Thank You

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  7. Thanks for articulating what so many feel. You need to be able to tell people that there behavior is offensive and they should respond EXACTLY as he did. This is ridiculous as it is some agent or manager who was savvy enough to realize that Les Moonves was going to go down and they just wrote a check. Let’s save the pity for those who cannot speak up and are really harassed.

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  8. I totally agree with you. There are serious cases of sexual harassment all around and this is not one of them. Bad jokes in bad taste do make mean you are being sexually harassed. This is one those things that is being made into a much bigger deal than it needs to be. It would be better to focus on people who are really causing a problem.

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  9. Thank you for your insight, I’ve know Michael for many years and know he is a good man. I’ve raised my sons and daughters to respect each other but also to stand up for themselves, one as important as the other. Thank you for being courageous!

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    1. Please let him know I have the utmost respect for the way he’s handled the situation. My son really admires him. Jace is autistic (asbergers) and Mr. Weatherly’s protrayal of DiNozzo made Jace want to work for NCIS. Now, I’m pleased that he is not only and inspiration but a role model for young men.

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  11. Thank you! You expressed exactly what I feel. Apology is a sign of respect, not an admission of guilt. Apologizing means “hey, I listened to you, really listened, sono I get what you feel and I’m sorry for hurting you”
    Decent people do this. He did this.

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  12. I’m a sexual assault survivor and yet, I have to say that I agree with this writer intensely. I was so furious when they drove Al Franken out and, as much as I want desperately to believe every #metoo woman, I am really concerned about due process and the rule of law as regards the men who are accused. I have sons and brothers, and nephews and I want them protected from false accusations as much as I want my nieces and granddaughter protected from sexual assault. Both can ruin lives forever.What can we do to assure justice for both?

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  13. Pingback: Part 2: The Moment I Decided to Piss People Off – Lanie Goodell

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