Okay – There’s actually no loathing involved. But I liked the play on the Hunter S. Thompson book title. There’s fear though. Let me tell you why.
My boss and her boss came to me with an opportunity for fall. Because of the pandemic, a new program has been developed and I’m the guinea pig for our site. If I enroll in a program for one year, I wind up being able to be a full-time teacher. While I currently have my own classes and I give the grades/develop the curriculum for each, I’m still a long term substitute. Which has been working so far, but moving forward, I need to have some kind of career.
Here’s where the fear comes in. 1) It involves going back to school and 2) I’m a different person than I was pre-brain surgery. The two are related.
1) Going back to school. I used to rock being a student. I was an excellent student. Graduated from four different degree programs with honors. I have three associate’s degrees and a bachelors as well as three professional certificates and substitute teaching licenses in two different states. School was my jam. However, I graduated for the last time in 2017, before the first surgery, which brings me to…
2) Brain surgery. It changed a lot for me. I’m less able to handle multiple things at a time. That’s not to say that I can’t, I’m just careful with my planning. The program entails that I be enrolled in the program full time, as well as have a teaching position where they can observe my teaching methods. For me, that feels like a lot. I’m lucky my kid is a teenager and can handle taking care of himself while I do homework and lesson planning and all that jazz, but I’m nervous about whether I can still handle that kind of work load.
For the past several years, I’ve worked part-time because that’s what my body allows. I tire more easily than I used to and, since my hearing is messed up, a room full of kids all day is exhausting. I love my job. I love it so much and I want to continue working in my chosen profession. To do that, I need to complete this program.
There is also excitement. I’m most qualified to be a high school social studies teacher. That includes history, anthropology, psychology…. all the things I took for fun before getting a BA in Psychology. I want that. I want to teach US History and tell the stories. I love how history is basically just a novel that played out in real time.
I’m scheduling the Praxis (the competency test that says if I know enough about the things I need to know to enroll in school) for March 21. 321 is my lucky number and, superstitious as I am, I feel that I have a better chance of passing on 3/21.
There’s no real point to this post. Just an update on what’s happening in my world and one of the big things on my plate. When I’m quiet, it’s usually these kinds of things that have made me quiet.
Thinking of all of you and hoping the winter 2022 season is treating you well. I’ll let y’all know how this plays out. Fingers crossed it all comes together like I hope!