It’s Saturday morning and I’ve been awake since 6am. That’s not uncommon, but I had high hopes that this morning would be the one where I get to sleep in. I miss sleep haha For all the memes and all the joking around, 2020 came with many challenges that played through into 2021. One of those challenges is what kept me awake this morning.
But despite that I’m pretty grateful. That situation is starting to resolve. My hearing, though definitely NOT like it once was, is good enough to handle a classroom. My ears ache by the end of the day and the tinnitus is terrible (and one of my ears is on day four of itching super badly… dumb nerves). But I can handle it, which means I don’t have to give up the job I love or the students I love. I was able to get a tentative job offer for summer. This is huge because I don’t get paid over the summer and I like buying groceries. Some of the harder aspects of the past year have begun to show that light people are always saying will be at the end of the tunnel.
Good things happen when you least expect them to. It was book week at school last week. One of my kids (my students that I claim as my own; this one in particular) brought my book to school. She’d read it and enjoyed it. It’s those things that keep me going through mornings like this when my anxiety is super high, there’s something looming that I’m not looking forward to (truth be told, more than one thing), and I’m tired but can’t go back to sleep. It’s little moments like my son wanting to spend time with me (and saying it! he’s a teenager lol). It’s calls with my three year old nephew while I’m on lunch at school. It’s my dad baking a pie and making sure I get a piece. It’s my mom telling me stories from the past. It’s my brother, saving the daily videos from a favorite YouTuber to watch together.
So I’m tired. I’m exhausted actually. But I’m grateful. I’m grateful to be the mom the teenager wants to hang out with me (I got invited to be part of the ‘cool kids club’ with him and his friends. I have a place with them at the cool lunch spot). I’m proud to be Dread Captain Mimi who sails the seven seas in her pirate ship and have a first mate who loves to drop the anchor and play with the sharks. I am aware we mixed several fandoms to create our game haha
My question to anyone who made it this far in my overly tired, not nearly caffeinated enough ramblings would be this: for what are you grateful this morning? Because today is going to be a good day, even if everything falls apart.
Lanie Goodell 