My kids think I’m famous… the Imposter Syndrome is real y’all

As I’ve mentioned, probably on more than one occasion at this point, I teach elementary art. My job is a little strange. I’m technically a long term substitute, but because of the pandemic, I’ve had the same classroom with the same students since August. They are my kids. I actually only birthed one, but they’re all mine. In previous posts, I’ve referred to the older ones (the writing and improv students) as my kids. For this post, I’m talking about the littler ones. The older ones aren’t as easily glamoured haha

The first thing you need to know is that my classroom is a little different. Yes, I teach art, but I do it in a different way than my art teachers did growing up. For one thing, I HATE a silent classroom. It’s awkward, them sitting there and me staring at them. So after we’ve studied surrealism, or impressionism, or cubism, or whatever the topic was for the day, we create our own. And we talk. They talk, I talk, we converse, because a silent classroom where I’m just staring at them while they work sets my teeth on edge.

Let’s start with why they think I’m famous. The list isn’t very long, but it’s random and somewhat amusing.

  • You can Google me.
  • I write books.
  • I’ve been in a movie and three commercials.
  • My cell phone background is a picture of Johnny Depp that I took. And he’s looking at me.

The first two items actually go together. I’ve worked pretty hard for the past few years to make sure I had a digital footprint. I write books. I’ve published ten of them. The kids are positive this makes me famous. They can look me up on the internet. They can read about me (which is a weird feeling btw) and that, apparently, gives me cred. Not sure what kind, but it does… I’ve even had parents tell me they Googled me! Which is an even weirder feeling. I’ve been careful with how I present myself because of my own son. I’m so glad, now that the littler ones are looking me up, that I was as careful as I’ve been!

The acting stuff… When I was 14, I had the opportunity to be an extra for My Fellow Americans. The scene with the Gay Pride Parade and all the Dorothys? That was filmed in my home town. It was epic. We got to meet James Garner and Jack Lemmon. James Garner really enjoyed talking to my little brother, so we hung with him for awhile. I don’t remember how long, just that it was super cool. One of the bad guys in the movie stepped on my foot at one point. It was awesome. There’s even a still where you can actually see me in the film. The commercials? I don’t even remember what two of the experiences were. The third was a work thing. I’m sure the first two were as well, but I only know I was in them because I wrote it down that I had to be on set those days. I’ve also been interviewed on the news for multiple reasons. It was cool to see all the behind the scenes stuff that happens in all those different instances, which is why the experience even came up. Talking to the kids about how things are made is kind of how I roll.

Johnny Depp… That one was fun. My brother and I go to concerts often. Or did, pre-pandemic. When I found out that the Hollywood Vampires exist a few years back AND were coming to our town, we got tickets. I lucked out and got some cool shots. The one below, in particular, is a favorite, though I have several where he posed for shots.

I’ll admit, I’m low-key obsessed with Mr. Depp’s work. The older kids, who sometimes read this blog, will probably be laughing at me right now. Low-key? Yes. Low-key. Do I say that my goal in life is to marry Johnny Depp? Yes, yes I do. Do I legitimately think it’s going to happen? Not so much. But I do admire his talent and appreciate the way he talks about parenting. I’m also a big fan of his music. But the fact that I got this close, and he looked at me, puts the photo on the list. After all, Captain Jack Sparrow is super freakin’ awesome.

So the imposter syndrome. I don’t feel successful. I feel lucky to have had some of the opportunities I’ve had. I often feel overwhelmed by the energy it takes to make book sales happen. I am exhausted by some of what life has thrown at me. But famous? Famous I am not and that’s where the imposter syndrome kicks in. They look at me as much more… idk, glamourized? than I ever feel. It’s something I definitely want to live up to, but for now I feel their image of me is so far from the truth. Granted, I love hearing it. Who wouldn’t? For a brief, shining moment in time, I feel successful. And one day… one day I’ll reach my goals (probably not that one about Mr. Depp, haha). But for today, I will publicize the book sale I have going on, I will hope for sales, I will play with my son, I will do dishes, I will run errands, and I’ll remember that out there in the world, there are kids who think I’m famous and I’ll take a moment to smile about it.